Francesco

My (almost) two year old, in his favorite pastime.

Witches Exhumed at Berkeley Lockedown

CODE PINK must have some kind of ties to the official MONSTER RAVING LOONEY PARTY, except that Code Pink isn't nearly as cool, and far too illogical. Oh wait. I think I mean 'sophisticated'.
Better commentary than mine HERE.

Silly Rabbi, Trix are for Catholics

I hate to make you have to watch all of THIS LITURGY. At 6 minutes or so, it's a lot to actually sit through, and well, very aggravating. Not to mention I'm violating a personal belief that the Real Presence should not be filmed. Or am I? There's nothing particularly sacrilegious, but validity can be questioned. Well, the dancing is also funny in a very disturbing way, so it's worth it if nothing else than to help you realize your parish isn't the worst out there.


For those of you who choose to not watch it, following a particularly gender-neutered homily by the black woman, the 'priest' ended the 'Mass' with his own version of the sign of the cross: 'In the name of the Creator, the Redeemer, and the Sanctifier'.

The funny thing is, those words are among the very few in English that are gender specific-they are particularly masculine loanwords. In fact, one could argue they are more masculine than 'father' or 'son'- words that are not themselves gender specific, but signify and emphasize masculinity by their meaning and intrinsic gender.

Words often have a grammatical gender that is not tied to their significant gender. This is easy to see in other languages, where masculine objects are signified by feminine or neutral words and vice versa. (such as in Gaelic, where cailín 'girl' is grammatically masculine, yet obviously feminine in significance). Even in English, which is almost completely neutral, we use grammatically gendered words such as actor/actress. Catholic English takes this to the next level, with words such as Co-Redemptrix, which is only used in the Catholic sense.

The point is that in English, when a word has grammatical gender, it is significant to the the actual gender of the object signified, and is usually used for the effect of emphasis. When speaking of Nicole Kidman, if we say 'actress' rather than 'actor', we are choosing to emphasize the femininity of the person, rather than merely the occupation of the person, when we could have just said 'actor'.

So, back to the priest changing the Sign of the Cross: the idiot intended to undermine the actual gender of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and ended up reinforcing and emphasizing their masculinity through the use of particularly masculine grammar.

This is what happens when priests and lame-men try to play -trix on the language of the Church-- they end up making sacerdolts of themselves.

Humor is a Funny Thing

Way back in time, when I was a freshman in college (for the first time) and still tinkering with the idea that I might want to become a doctor, I took a biology course that basically focused on the dissection of various critters. This was merely an extension of my childhood activities, as I grew up in a family of hunting and fishing guides in Wyoming, so I had cut up just about every single animal I got my hands on. Anyway, the climax of the course was the vivisection of a turtle. After the basic inspection and harmless preliminary tests on the turtle, we drilled a 2" hole through the underside of its shell, and watched its heart beating. And watched its heart rate slow. And watched its heart stop completely.

Then, we currently shocked it back to pulsing. And let it die again. Shock, beat, stop. Shock, beat, stop. Every student, even the most repulsed by the idea of vivisection, had left behind any notion of even scientific endeavor for the awesome curiosity of playing God. No matter how many times I did it, that little heart started back up again. And even though I knew metaphysically that that turtle was no longer a turtle, it was an almighty feeling of power to pretend that physically, that turtle's life was in my hands.

Death Zap Life. Death Zap Life.

Some years later, I was struck by the powerful metaphor this event could represent, although in consistent fashion with my usual thinking, the metaphor was nowhere near as significant as the original, but I digress.

It has been said, and yet needs not be uttered, that the most surefire way to kill a joke is to analyze what it is that makes it funny. Humor is a funny thing. Those that are best at it, are usually unable, or at least unwilling, to describe what it is that makes their jokes funny. They know, as should I, that in analyzing a joke, its life is easily removed. Those of us with kids are particularly keen on this, as it's horribly and excruciatingly painful to explain to a 5 year old why it is that their knock knock jokes aren't funny, and yet even more painful realizing you must laugh at them.

With that in mind, I will now begin a long and arduous journey to vivisect as many jokes as necessary in order to classify, codify, and semper fi all species of wordplay. Therefore, with Ray Gunner at my side, I will over the coming months be looking at the various figures of speech that govern wordplay. (Not all wordplays are intended to be humorous, mind you, but all are figures of speech and are ordered to pathos: like it or not.)

Have you ever wondered how a Tom Swifty is different than a Wellerism? What are the particular forms and uses of palindromes? Why are some tongue twisters harder to say than others? What is a pun, anyway?

Yes, I will kill some of our favorite jokes in the process. It is nobly under the guise of academic inquiry and scientific knowledge that we will proceed, as if anyone really cares. Hopefully, you will find a shockingly new way to bring those jokes back to life in your own everyday usage.

Le Calembour est mort. Vive le Calembour!

The Turn of the 21st Century...

...was made by a feminist driver.

This ad is another (although dated) gem from Salvo Magazine, tied to the article: GIRLY MEN: The Media's Attack on Masculinity.

I would add to the Salvo argument the following thoughts: Feminine women used to be portrayed with babes in arms. Now, feminist women are betrayed as babes with arms.

For those interested in more of this subject, I highly recommend getting lectures by FR. PHILIP CHAVEZ on cd. If you can hear him in person, even better.

Obtained Zenn and Nothing to Chauffer It

Living in California, designing buildings in California, all I hear about nowadays is 'Green Design'. We're just about at the point where buildings are only being judged on the merits of their LEED points, while there's almost no mention of whether they're beautiful or if they add to the overall quality life of the people who use them. Over the next couple of months, I'm going to be sounding off about this subject frequently enough, mostly concerning myself with the architectural implications of this new fad.

Today, I READ THIS ARTICLE about a yet another little 'green car'. "The Zenn, or 'Zero Emission, No Noise' vehicle, is a three door hatchback with a range of up to 35 miles and an 80 percent recharge time of 4 hours."

Are you kidding me?. Only 35 miles? I guess that goes to show you that Buddhism doesn't get you very far.

From the ZENN WEBSITE, (sorry,it's Flash...when I rule the world it will be illegal to have a flash driven site.) we learn that the purely electrical Zenn is "designed to meet neighborhood and urban transportation needs, the regulated maximum speed...is 25mph. As such its intended use is busy urban areas, lower speed roads and places like gated communities and campuses where speed is neither necessary, desirable or safe."

The real question is: where the hell are you driving within a gated community, anyway? To the tennis court? Oh that's saving the earth, alright. Are you supposed to drive one from your dorm room to your classroom rather than walking? You betcha, that 'conserves energy'. Someone in the Zenn marketing department needs to learn that something is always more than nothing.

There are a lot of these little electric vehicles in California, especially in Santa Barbara where it has become quite chic to drive environmentally friendly cars around town and then leave your 18 fireplaces running 24/7 just so your little toe-sies don't chill when you arrive home from 2 months at your other mansion. I'm not exaggerating. It happens. A lot.

In urban areas (as they are now), I almost see the purpose. Currently, we have to drive to everything. But if cities were designed well, there would be no need to drive at all to get to the necessities of life, because neighborhoods would be walkable, and would contain within them the schools, groceries, police stations, health clinics, etc. that are requisite for the health, safety and wellbeing of residents.

I am not advocating that we get rid of cars, but rather that we should get rid of our utter dependence upon them. Then, these little glorified golf carts like the Zenn would be totally unnecessary. Vehicular emissions problems are not caused by our travel on interstates and highways. The vast majority of superfluous emissions come from our 4 mile trips to the grocery store to buy milk. Eliminate the need for that trip by designing mixed-use neighborhoods and cities, and all those emissions will disappear, not to mention we'll live in nicer neighborhoods and actually get to know our neighbors.

That would be a truly 'green' move.

Not All Lesbians are Lesbos

In an interesting example of pathos in Greek argumentation, the residents of the Greek island of Lesbos have LAUNCHED LEGAL ACTION that aims at blocking homosexual women from using the word 'lesbian' to describe themselves.

I guess this means that Lesbians are claiming Demotic is demonic when lesbians Koine new term.

I would be very happy if they also filed suit contending that 'gay' should be returned to its rightful signification.

In like Flynt

There are two things I can't believe about THE D.C. MADAM STORY, (that politicians were her clients is not one of them): that the conspiracy theorists took a whole day and a half after her suicide to bombard mainstream media; and that I actually agree with Larry Flynt about this whole suicide thing being highly doubtful.

I feel dirty just saying it.

And in an bizarre yet opportunistic prayer for what is in all likelihood a sad but true and inevitable fact, I find myself paralyzed with the thought that Flynt is right when he hints at privy knowledge of the whore's little black book:

"Let me put it this way, there were more Democrats on it than Republicans..."

At the same time, I can't help but noting a gaping hole in the logic of the article: Flynt purports that the only reason the story was of interest was "because of the number of Democrats who could be targeted by the Bush administration." Yet just before this claim, the article notes that

"Flynt was an integral part in keeping Palfrey's story public and worked with her and investigative reporter Dan Moldea to break the story that the phone number of Sen. David Vitter, R-La., was among those numbers in Palfrey's client list. Flynt targeted Vitter because he had campaigned for office on a family-values platform."

Um, those are mutually exclusive, Dufus. Are you the one who kept it alive in the media, or was it the Bush republicans? Oh my God. The other logical possibility is that both statements are equally true, which means that Larry Flynt is a Bush republican. In the words of Luke Skywalker: "Noooooooooooooooooooooo..."

Ok, I badmouthed him. I feel better.

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

In case you haven't felt the news, there's currently a very interesting geological event going on in Reno right now. HERE'S the mass-media story. But cute stories about kids knowing more about earthquakes than their teachers don't really relay the import of the situation, and Reno is only part of the story.

An earthquake “swarm” is an episode with many earthquakes in which the largest earthquake does not occur at the beginning of the episode and in which the largest earthquake is not substantially larger than other earthquakes of the episode. Earthquake swarms generally continue for weeks, months, or even longer, without the occurrence of a substantially larger event. This distinguishes a swarm from a sole event with aftershocks. Earthquake swarms occur in a variety of geologic and tectonic settings. Swarms are rare, and usually (but not always) tied to volcanic activity.

But Swarms of Earthquake Swarms are unheard-of. Here are the important swarms all happening within the last couple of months:

Reno's swarm is currently at 350+ events. Reno is currently moving (Thanks to the North American Plate movement) to the Northwest at the rate of 11mm per year. This is causing a great deal of pressure at the junction of the North American Plate and the Pacific Plate: they are SWALLOWING the Juan de Fuca Plate and the Cocos Plate, to the North and South, respectively.

Cerro Prieto Volcano and Geothermal Field: The meeting point of the East Pacific Rise and the slip-strike of the San Andreas Fault, at the Northern Edge of the Cocos Plate. Swarm of 250 events over 3 weeks in February 2008. If a major quake is triggered here, pretty much all of the Colorado River delta will flood, up to and including the Salton Sea, which is below sea level.

Oregon Coastal Zone: Unique swarm of 600+ EVENTS occured OVER THE LAST MONTH, just east of the Cascadia Subduction zone at the boundary of the Juan de Fuca Plate, which has the potential for a mega quake greater than that of the New Madrid Fault in Missouri (Side note: the new madrid fault is responsible for the 3 of the 5 largest quakes in the contiguous United States. Read more HERE.) The last mega-quake at the Cascadia Subduction Zone (January 26th, 1700) was a ~9.0 and dropped the coastline in some parts of Washington by 5 feet. Yes. I said 5 feet. Estimates and Pattern studies put cycle periods on mega-quakes in the area at 400-600 years.

This is great news for guys like me who have been waiting for a major earthquake to lower house values in California. I just hope that a mega-quake doesn't lower house heights in California to the point that we end up living in THIS FLOATING DEVELOPMENT.

That would really suck.

Holy Sheet!

There are very few things that keep me at a loss for words. THIS is one.