I think this must be the greatest Tom Swifty:
'Geez Doc, I just can't seem to remember anything from the last 24 hours', Tom said lackadaisically.
I'm glad I now have this one, because I had previously not been able to decide which of the following Swifties were my fav:
'Elvis is dead', Tom said expressly.
or:
'The doctor had to remove my left ventricle', Tom half-heartedly announced.
Tough choices, I know. But you can't have two superlatives at the same time in the same respect, as I'm constantly trying to explain to my daughter. And now all is right with the world...
...except that Jim Svejda comes to mind.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Fewer Kennedy Catholics in Washington...
...the better.
Caroline Kennedy DECIDED to take her name out of the hat for the New York Senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton.
Caroline Kennedy DECIDED to take her name out of the hat for the New York Senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton.
"I informed Governor Paterson today that for personal reasons I am withdrawing my name from consideration for the United States Senate," Kennedy said.Translated to layman's speak:
'I found out that stuff I've done in the past is now known. I'm avoiding the embarassment surely due to me if I take on public office.'As for what Hillary thinks of all this, Fr. Barry points out that her mind is preoccupied with OTHER THINGS:
"Network news cameras covering Barack Obama's inauguration ceremony Tuesday captured Hillary Clinton silently moving her lips along with each word of the minute-long presidential oath of office..."And because that's from the Onion, you know it's more likely to be true than if it were from MSNBC.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Pardon Me? Oh. You're Too Busy Respecting Life.
So it ends the way it began.
George W. Bush began his presidency with a prolife act. His VERY FIRST ACT as president was to reinstate the Mexico City Policy, which denied US funds for use outside the U.S. for the purpose of promoting abortion. (Which was originally instituted by Ronald the Great in 1984 and was rescinded by William the Concupiscent on his very first full day in office. If you don't think the abortion issue is the key issue in the United States, then just take a look at the history of the Mexico City Policy).
As I listened to the inauguration of Barack Obama, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia for Mr. Bush. As Fr. Barry points out, one of Mr. Bush's very last acts as president was to TO INSTITUTE the National Sanctity of Human Life Day, which will forever be January 18th, and clearly instituted on that day to underline the impending anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
What is less obvious, but yet just as symbolic, is Mr. Bush's preference to honor the sanctity of life rather than spend his last few days pardoning cronies and business associates as was occuring the last few weeks of the Clinton administration, at a furious pace. Among Clinton's last acts were the absolution of MARK RICH, as well as other questionable pardons and sentence commutations that clearly lined the Clinton coffers--very ignoble acts indeed.
Of course, this difference in symbolic act is punctuated by the fact that Mr. Bush chose not to pardon Lewis Scooter Libby, which was, in the democrats' minds these last few months, a sure thing.
I wonder what Mr. Obama's first act will be. FOCA? God help us. He'll probably start by re-rescinding the Mexico City Policy. Oh wait. He's already CONFIRMED THAT:
George W. Bush began his presidency with a prolife act. His VERY FIRST ACT as president was to reinstate the Mexico City Policy, which denied US funds for use outside the U.S. for the purpose of promoting abortion. (Which was originally instituted by Ronald the Great in 1984 and was rescinded by William the Concupiscent on his very first full day in office. If you don't think the abortion issue is the key issue in the United States, then just take a look at the history of the Mexico City Policy).
As I listened to the inauguration of Barack Obama, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia for Mr. Bush. As Fr. Barry points out, one of Mr. Bush's very last acts as president was to TO INSTITUTE the National Sanctity of Human Life Day, which will forever be January 18th, and clearly instituted on that day to underline the impending anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
What is less obvious, but yet just as symbolic, is Mr. Bush's preference to honor the sanctity of life rather than spend his last few days pardoning cronies and business associates as was occuring the last few weeks of the Clinton administration, at a furious pace. Among Clinton's last acts were the absolution of MARK RICH, as well as other questionable pardons and sentence commutations that clearly lined the Clinton coffers--very ignoble acts indeed.
Of course, this difference in symbolic act is punctuated by the fact that Mr. Bush chose not to pardon Lewis Scooter Libby, which was, in the democrats' minds these last few months, a sure thing.
I wonder what Mr. Obama's first act will be. FOCA? God help us. He'll probably start by re-rescinding the Mexico City Policy. Oh wait. He's already CONFIRMED THAT:
"Officials with the incoming administration of Barack Obama have confirmed that he will indeed overturn a pro-life policy of President Bush on his first day in office. Despite campaigning on the rhetoric of wanting to reduce abortions, Obama will make one of his first actions promoting them globally."So it begins the way it will end. And so begins the end.
Monday, January 12, 2009
2008 Word of the Year
Please be aware that you ought not pay too much attention to any 'word of the year' picks that include 'skadoosh'. (from Kung Fu Panda-it was a Po choice of words no matter how fun to say).
But 2008's word of the year from the AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY is: bailout. Which of course means this:
But 2008's word of the year from the AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY is: bailout. Which of course means this:
Friday, January 9, 2009
Disassociation in Communicatory Patterns of Loquacious Assholes
Put away your thesauri, sesquipedalians! There are a plethora of plethoras in your writing. At least this is ACCORDING TO Daniel Oppenheimer, a psychologist at Princeton. According to Oppenheimer, using big words actually lessens the level of intelligence portrayed in your writing. His solution: use small, simple words that everyone knows and you won't sound like an idiot.
It's tempting to pretend you know your professors' own jargon to be considered in the know, but you only succeed in convincing others you're either full of shit or don't want to actually communicate ideas. While your tenured professors are hopelessly long lost and like Gulliver's flappers can only communicate with eachother, please do not try to partake in the isolation of the audience, because you'll just become another one of those jerks that speaks a lot but doesn't say anything. As George Bernard Shaw put it: "every profession is a conspiracy against the layman".
Sorry Kant. This is reason 618 why I hate you.
If you're interested in reading the original paper by Mr. Oppenheimer on the importance of using small, easily understood words, it can be found under this very clearly stated title:
It's tempting to pretend you know your professors' own jargon to be considered in the know, but you only succeed in convincing others you're either full of shit or don't want to actually communicate ideas. While your tenured professors are hopelessly long lost and like Gulliver's flappers can only communicate with eachother, please do not try to partake in the isolation of the audience, because you'll just become another one of those jerks that speaks a lot but doesn't say anything. As George Bernard Shaw put it: "every profession is a conspiracy against the layman".
Sorry Kant. This is reason 618 why I hate you.
If you're interested in reading the original paper by Mr. Oppenheimer on the importance of using small, easily understood words, it can be found under this very clearly stated title:
Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity: Problems with Using Long Words Needlessly
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Reasons to Use an Alias
HERE is reason to use a blogging alias number 427:
Oh, wait. I just ruined the plan. Shoot.
The U.S. Commodity Futures Trading Commission and the Securities and Exchange Commission said Thursday they have brought civil charges againstSeriously, I wonder if there's any distant relation, because almost all my Philly Phorte's are Joseph as a first name and we go by our middle.Joseph S. Forte ofPennsylvania , who is accused of running a$50 million Ponzi scheme.
Oh, wait. I just ruined the plan. Shoot.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
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